Saturday, July 16, 2011

Road Trippin'

All right, so me and the wife drove to the reunion last week. Here are some random things I noticed while we drove  through Arizona, New Mexico, Texas, Oklahoma, Arkansas, Missouri, Nebraska, Wyoming, Nevada and California.

1. A Baptist Church in Rolla owns a car. Perhaps more than one, I do not know. But, on the car was this slogan:
"A Church that Cares." If a Methodist saw that, he or she would say "I'll show you a church that cares, you SOB."

2. The Most Awesome Name For An Ice Cream Stand: Wasco, CA wins with Jolly Kone. Jolly Cone with a C would not kut it. It has to be with a K, because K in place of C means taste.

3. Here is a sample play list from 96.5 Bakersfield, IN ORDER:
Bee Gees -- Night Fever (1978)
Hall and Oates -- Maneater (1982)
Pilot -- Oh Oh Oh It's Magic (1975)
Stevie Wonder -- Isn't She Lovely (1976)
Los Lobos -- La Bamba (1987)
Eric Clapton -- I Shot the Sheriff (1974)
Don McLean -- American Pie (1971)
Lipps, Inc -- Funkytown (1979)

What in the name of Smoky The Bears Nut Stained Underpants is this? I understand that Disco, despite the best efforts of all decent people, has never gone away. But....ISN'T SHE LOVELY? FUNKYTOWN? Of all the Stevie Wonder songs to play from Songs From the Key of Life. What about "Sir Duke", "I Wish" or "Love's In Need of Love Today"? Look at this list! Stevie is made of soul, but if you were to break out anything but Isn't She Lovely, Don McLean's epic would look and sound like the boring 8 minutes of schlock that it is. As far as Funkytown, I will let Stevie take over: Just because a record has a groove doesn't mean it's in the groove.

4. Most popular Classic Rock Songs on the Trip:

Matthew Wilder, "Ain't Nothin Gonna break My Stride" -- It felt like we heard this song about 30000000 times. It was probably only 4, but let's retire this warty time capsule. Look for the YouTube video if you want to see a classic Porn Stache. For you Rescue Me fans out there, Wilder looks like Lou about 20 years and 50 pounds ago.

Journey, "Don't Stop Believin'" -- now that I have lived in the Bay Area for five years, I still hate this song. Every God Damn minute of it. Steve Perry could throw down. Believe it or not, the second most played Journey song was "Separate Ways" and not "Anyway You Want It".

5. What is the difference between a large pickup or SUV in Missouri or Arkansas with those in California? The ones in Missouri are dirty from actually being used off road. The SUVs in California are spotless from taking up four parking spaces in the nearest Trader Joe's parking lot or Yoga Pant City.

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